The return of an unwelcomed friend . . .

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death. ~Betty Bender

I've recently experienced something quite interesting. I was faced with some opportunities that had in them the potential for great things. They had the potential for some dreams to come true and real results, real change in my life. You're probably thinking, "Great! That all sounds wonderful!" And, you're right. Everything does sound and is quite wonderful. Imagine my surprise when I found myself not really wanting to go through with the necessary steps needed to get these projects rolling!

I actually found myself coming up with excuses not to keep a meeting that had been scheduled for weeks. Then, I started to ask myself whether I really wanted this to happen or that to happen. Was I sure? Did it all make sense? Was it the right time? I had a couple of very important meetings with people that could very well help me on my way. And again, my mind wanted to come up with excuses why I didn't think I was ready for this next step or the other. It was all quite ridiculous. Especially because, thankfully, I knew what my ego was trying to do. I knew what was behind all of it. Our good friend FEAR.

That little bugger knows exactly when to strike. Right at the point of actual change, Fear likes to come in and start to mess with our heads. I couldn't believe it! I actually started to laugh out loud the second I realized Fear was trying to get in my way. And it's such a sneaky thing . . . really quite talented at what it does. If you're not careful, Fear will get you to believe anything. Most of the things Fear was coming up with made sense to me. You know why? Because Fear uses our past against us. It takes our bad experiences, childhood traumas, the unknown, past failures and a slew of other things from our lives and twists and turns them to fit the current situation. So, when Fear gets started playing the tapes in our heads, it all sounds quite true because, well, we've been listening to those tapes for quite a while. The words might be different but the sentiments expressed are the same.

Luckily, I refused to listen to any of it. I stopped Fear dead in its tracks and went ahead with all my meetings, plans and decisions. I kept repeating positive affirmations and focusing on the ultimate goals I was in the process of accomplishing. But, Fear wasn't about to give up so easily. Even with all my armor, Fear dragged me down to a dark place. I'll get into that on Thursday. Until then, think about the role, if any, that Fear likes to play in your own lives. Is it a constant visitor or have you shown it the door OUT of your life for good? Does it stop you from LIVING and REALIZING your dreams? If so, what are you willing to do to take back full control?

Peace and Light to you and KEEP DREAMING!

Gene-Manuel

Repairing our connection . . .by "checking in."

“Learn to let your intuition—gut instinct—tell you when the food, the relationship, the job isn’t good for you (and conversely, when what you’re doing is just right).” ~ Oprah

Every time I've gone against my gut instinct, I've paid the price. And I do mean, every single time, without exception. I have recently been more attuned to it and have made a conscious effort to truly listen and pay attention to my gut at all times. It's how I've come to create my art. The fact that I now work on something that brings me so much joy and feels so good is all due to following my gut instinct and listening to Inspired Action.

This hasn't always been the case. I have plenty of experiences where I decided to either listen to other people, or I've let my ego get in the way. When I've done this, I've completely turned my back on my inner voice, my intuition, and the results have always been disastrous! That is because we come into this physical world reality with this miraculous built-in connection to Source Energy. I mean, we are born with this otherworldly GPS device already programmed with all that we'll ever need to guide us in this world. From the start it is giving us information to help us along. As babies we cry when we're hungry or sleepy or need changing. Nobody told us to do this! This was all instinctual. We came here knowing this was how things had to be until we learned to communicate with these beings that were our parents and started using words.

As we get older and get exposed to outside influences, we tend to start listening to other people, maybe a little too much. We also start dealing with our friend, ego. And our ego, if we let him or her, will take over our lives. Dr. Wayne Dyer likes to say that the word ego stands for Edge God Out. I think he's totally right. That's one of the things our ego loves to do. It gets in the way of our gut instinct and tries to shut it down. Ego believes it has what's best for us in mind when in reality, it's only thinking about what's best for ego to survive. The more it can get in the way of our connection to our Source Energy, the better its chances of sticking around telling you what to do.

So, as the years go by and our ego gets stronger and we start listening to other people, we tend to rely less and less on our gut instincts. We pay less attention to that built-in GPS system. Especially if what our guide is telling us to do goes against what everyone else thinks we should do.

We all have stories of times when we went against our instincts and things went horribly wrong. What we have to do is remember these instances when a similar event happens and we're about to do something we feel deep down that we're not supposed to do. It's important to exercise our instinctual powers. Really get in touch with our inner voice and get that connection to Source Energy or God back in fine working order. One of the best ways to do this of course is by spending some time actively seeking to repair the connection.

In the mornings I like to do Ah Meditation sessions for about 10 minutes or so. But, I've started to extend this time a little at the end and do what I like to call a "checking in" exercise. I check in with my core and make sure that all is well. How do I feel about the state of my life at this very moment? Are there areas that feel wrong, that don't fit with me? Are there things I'm doing that I know I shouldn't be doing? Am I happy with my life?

When I first started "checking in", I found that ego liked to come in and answer the questions for me. It liked to come up with excuses for any of the questions that I instinctively knew the answer to. But, the more I calmed my mind and quieted ego, the easier it got to repair that connection to Source, that invisible line going straight from my core, my center, to Source Energy. Now in my periods of checking in, the answers come immediately. I can't even say they come in the form of words but more as immediate feelings. My gut remains calm and peaceful whenever a question is asked and I'm living in its truth. If I ask myself a question and I'm not in a good space with that question, my gut lets me know in the form of a small yet palpable twisting feeling. Whenever I get that response, that lets me know that I'm dealing with an area that needs further investigation. It doesn't mean that I now have to berate myself and that I've done something wrong. This just means that it's time to look inward and seek for the answer, which is already there, at a deeper level.

To start repairing this connection to Source, or make the connection you already have even stronger, I do recommend doing the "checking in" exercise a couple of times a week. As always, I like to make things easy, because you know what I believe . . . if something is easy to do, the more likely you are to DO IT consistently. So, depending on how good your connection is, then that can determine the amount of time spent checking in. At first, like I said, ego might like to get in there and mess with you, so it could possibly take a little longer to get through the questions.

The questions are simple ones. You can come up with your own set but I usually start with these:

• How are you?
• How is your life?
• Are you happy?
• Is there anything troubling you?
• What is going right for you?
• Is there anything you'd like to see change?

These are just a few examples. It really helps to customize your questions to whatever is going on in your life at the moment. I like to do the checking in exercise before I undertake any new project, no matter how exciting or lucrative it might seem. Checking in with specific questions relating to the issue at hand really helps to clear my thoughts and get in touch with my gut instincts. If all my questions come back with a positive response and my core remains calm and relaxed and at peace, you better believe it, I'm going ahead with that project. It's that simple.

Spend some time checking in and see how your connection to Source will help to guide you in the right direction. The stronger the connection the easier it will be to immediately trust your inner voice. It is right. Every. Single. Time.

Peace and Light to you and KEEP DREAMING!

Gene-Manuel

Back to the gym

So, finally, after about 8 months, I took the walk to my gym. The gym that I've been making monthly payments to just to help them out with their rent I guess, since I haven't set foot in it. When I first stopped waking up at 7am and doing my morning workout, I blamed it on my new-found love and obsession: my art. I was working until 2 or 3 in the morning every single night on all these wonderful pieces of art. I really could care less about getting to the gym in the morning, and after I come home from my various jobs, I'm too tired to go.

One thing led to another and one week turned into two, two weeks into a month and a month into 8 MONTHS. I'm of the belief that if I don't work out, and stop counting points (Weight Watchers) I will gain weight, therefore, I did. I've gained about 20lbs back out of the 35 I lost last year. Not a big deal to some, but I feel them right away. My jeans let me know something was up a couple of months ago actually. Looking good in jeans is one thing but I'm more interested in occupying the right amount of space in this world. What I mean by that is this: when I'm bigger than my "normal" size, I feel like I'm occupying more space than I need to. I'm heavier, not in just the physical sense, but in all ways. When I'm at the weight that is right for me, I feel so light and so just "right" that it's as if I'm able to float. It's also a mental weight that gets lifted as well.

So, anyway, I gained the 20lbs and with work and my mom being sick and facing that depression I wrote about, I just have not concentrated on working out at all. Today was the day though. I didn't plan on it. I woke up and just knew that I was going to go back to the gym. Now, I've been working on minding my own business, like Byron Katie says. And also, not letting my ego get in the way and making me afraid of doing things just because I fear judgment from others. For the most part, I can say I do pretty well with that. What other people say or think about me is not really my problem. You cannot live your life trying to please others because you will most likely always be disappointed or hurt. I totally get that.

Yet, there I was, walking to the gym and some of those thoughts, (in this case, little rocks not boulders), appeared on my way. "What are the people at the gym going to say? Here he is again . . . he gained weight . . . again. Why does he keep doing that?" Blah blah blah.

As I was walking and thinking these thoughts, I actually started laughing. It was a little surprising to me that I was thinking this. That there was a part of me that actually still worried about what others thought. Especially about my weight. I'm glad I started laughing and kept walking because there would have been a time years and years ago when I probably would have turned back and gone home. Can you imagine giving others that much power over your life?

Those thoughts, if not dealt with or at least investigated, could really be damaging. I think back at my high-school self and remember how those feelings kept me trapped for so long. I was afraid of doing anything because I was worried about what others were going to think of me. Now that is something I don't care to live through again.

The truth is that nobody really cares at my gym whether or not I've gained weight. First of all, that's why you go to a gym. Either to lose weight, or to maintain the weight you've got or to just be healthy. Also, I don't go to the gym to make others happy or to get complimented on my weight loss, etc. If I did, it would seem to me that I would be there every single day.

The ego really likes to take over doesn't it? It's really important to be aware of ego's presence and learn to ignore those damaging thought patterns. Those loops that we keep playing in our minds. Once you realize what they really are, just tapes that your ego likes to play over and over again, in order to gain some control, then you can push stop. We are all equipped with the ability to stop a loop that doesn't feel right. How do you know when the loop or tape or story you're playing is not the right one? Well, for me, the most telling sign is that it doesn't feel good. It makes me feel all the emotions that are opposite from FEELING GOOD.

Believe me, I'm not always so quick to press STOP and really just center myself. But, the more you do it, like today for me, the easier it gets. Also, the more you do it the quicker you get at recognizing when you've started playing one of those old, boring tapes again. In some cases, the thing is so old it's like an old 8-Track. Who needs that!?

I'm happy to report the gym experience was a great one. I was greeted very warmly by the owner. He asked how I was and what I had been up to. I got on some of the machines that I know so well and did very light weight training to just get my muscles warmed up a bit. Nobody laughed, nobody pointed and stared. Nobody really cared. I did my work out. Listened to Kylie. I visualized and felt my body changing. I daydreamed a little about what it feels like to occupy that "right space" and had a fantastic time.

Those 20 glorious pounds will come off in no time!

Peace and light and keep dreaming,
Gene-Manuel