When LIFE starts making sense . . .

"People living deeply have no fear of death." ~ Anais Nin

Ah . . . "People living deeply have no fear of death." So simple yet so powerful and true. Those words by author Anais Nin really resonate with me. Besides inspiring me to live life to the fullest, they are also a reminder to live in the NOW. At least that 's one of the meanings I come away with. When we're focused on our BLISS, there are no thoughts of death or of wondering what will happen to us when we die. Being present, in the moment, the NOW, awakens within us a sense of being fully alive, and once that happens, we begin to understand how eternal we are.

I remember not too long ago when I had questions about why we were here on Earth. It all seemed so futile. A couple of years ago my dad was hospitalized for like the third time in the same year. Aside from the whole experience being quite horrible, I was also in a terrible state of mind. Rage coursed through my veins. And here I was, visiting him in the hospital every day. Seeing him practically unrecognizable. He was hallucinating and out of it most of the time. Well, I was certainly not happy. One day I sat in his hospital room and started writing this long letter about how horrible things were. I was basically asking why the hell we were here on Earth. What was the purpose of our lives if we came here, worked, suffered and then we died. What was all that about? I wrote pages and pages about what a complete waste of time life was. I just couldn't understand why any of us were here.

I still have that letter, in fact I read some of it a few months ago and it was like someone else had written it. And I understood him. Not because I agreed with what was written, but I understood how someone in his state of mind could think that way. At the time, I had no understanding of much of anything. I wasn't living any sort of life that gave me any kind of joy. I had no hope whatsoever and as I wrote last week, we can't survive long without HOPE. The me that wrote that letter was really a shell of a person living a life that barely touched the surface of anything. I wasn't even close to living deeply. At that time I was so far from my true self that it's really a miracle I survived at all.

So many, many things have changed since I wrote those words. I began to seek the answers to all of my questions about life and my purpose here. Was it just to work at a boring job or to keep struggling to become a famous singer? Or was I just wasting time until I died? I always felt there was a reason for my being here. . . but I wasn't sure what it was. at that point Slowly, when I was ready for it, the Universal answers revealed themselves to me. I began to understand more and more the reason for my existence. Although I don't always make it easy on myself, I do believe and get glimpses of the fact that at it's very core, LIFE is most definitely beautiful and quite easy. I now understand the power I have over the things I see and experience. Every single day I have the choice to live an authentic life and be true to the me that came forth into the physical to experience as much joy as possible.

The more I focus on joy and feeling good, the more reasons the Universe gives me to feel good and joyful. As I concentrate on that which brings me absolute bliss, I keep connecting to my Source. That eternal Source that is everlasting. Any fear of death disappears when you are living this life in the way that you intended when you came forth into the physical. Of course we start to doubt our reasons for living . . . if WE ARE NOT LIVING! The instant you begin to take steps towards revealing what brings you to a state of happiness and bliss, that's the instant life starts making sense. That is the moment you begin to truly experience life like you've never experienced it before. It ceases to be a journey towards an inevitable end but more of a journey that can be packed with a myriad of mind-blowing experiences without end. Life is eternal . . .

So, think about it for the next couple of days. What makes you feel alive? What steps can you take right now to bring some joy into your life? What is your BLISS? What wonderful gift are you here on Earth to give to us?

Peace and Light to you and KEEP DREAMING

Gene-Manuel

Staying connected to Well-Being . . .

For the past couple of weeks, I've been going through a rather interesting period. I really think, or rather, I feel it's a period of immense transition. Through it, there have been lots of ups and downs in the situations surrounding me. The one constant, which is incredible, has been my attitude towards everything. That is pretty incredible for me to write and say. To actually admit and understand that in the midst of all that's happening around me, I have been able to remain positive, smiling and filled with joy . . . it's absolutely miraculous!

This wasn't really evident to me until last Thursday evening. I was visiting dear friends that live out of town and had a lovely and delicious dinner with them. After thoroughly enjoying my pasta dinner, even going back for seconds, I learned that the sauce in the pasta was a pesto sauce. Well, I am allergic to pine nuts. Not allergic in the sense that my throat closes up or anything like that but, I do get extremely sick. This also doesn't happen immediately. Symptoms start about 2 to 3 hours after I've eaten whatever the pine nut filled food was. So, once I found out about the pesto, I calmly told my hosts that I would most likely be getting very sick, but not to worry. I would keep them informed as to my condition and if it escalated to a need to get rushed to the hospital, I would let them know.

I then proceeded to have my delicious dessert, homemade ice-cream, and continued enjoying their company. There was absolutely no need to worry about what was coming because it wasn't there yet. I didn't try to get the food out of my system prematurely . . . well, there was no chance of that happening. It had tasted too good! I had a choice. Either I was going to continue to spend a good time with friends or I was going to worry about what was going to happen. I chose the first option. For as long as I could, I remained present and in the moment. Then, when the first signs of the reaction began, I prepared to go to bed and took each minute as it came.

The sicker I felt, the more focused on wellness I became. I had very little hope of not actually getting sick so I knew that the inevitable was going to happen. But, I made it a point to see what would happen if I at least was able to reach for better-feeling thoughts. What would happen if in the middle of the nausea and stomach cramps, I would continue to infuse my mind with thoughts of healing and beautiful things? I knew that my body was reacting to what it considers a poison, but I also wanted to try and use a positive antidote to that poison. As my body was working and preparing to get rid of that which was making it sick, I spent every single second focused on healthy thoughts. I refused to feel sorry for myself or scared about what could happen. No matter what, I knew that I would be alright. Whatever the outcome of my allergic reaction, I was going to be fine.

The moment came and I was lucky enough to make it to the bathroom in time. The closest I can get to describing the experience is that it feels like I'm being kicked in the pit of my stomach repeatedly by a powerfully strong opponent wearing combat boots. I'm kicked over and over and over again. Before I can take a breath, another kick comes in to join the last one. And again! And again! And again! All the way to the end. Once my body feels that the supposed intruder is out of my system, then and only then, do the kicks stop . . . Usually, I go through this about three or four times during an allergic episode. This time, everything happened just the one time. I was spared hours of this pain and torture. I was so, so grateful.

Through the entire process I've just described, I was fully present. But, in an interesting way, I was also able to distance myself from what my body was going through. It's hard to put into words but as my body was convulsing and the kicks kept on coming, I continued focusing my thoughts on Well-Being. That Well-Being that is a constant stream in our lives. If I honestly believe that All Is Well, then even in times of great physical pain, am I still connected to that stream? I found out that I am. Through the entire experience, I remained in what felt like two separate states. One, was the absolute physical, the one that felt every single thing that was happening to my body. The other, was the mental state that kept its connection to wellness. The wellness that was and the wellness that I would return to. I remember walking out of the bathroom and barely seeing my worried friends waiting for me outside. I can't imagine what they were thinking. I believe I said something like, "I think I'm done" and giving them the thumbs up as I headed downstairs to bed.

The next morning I awoke to a beautiful day full of sunshine. I felt fine and ready to face the day and concentrate on wonderful and creative things. It wasn't until I was on the bus back into Manhattan that I saw the connection between how I dealt with my being sick and some of the challenges I had been experiencing. Through it all, I've been focused on feeling good, feeling happy, being connected to well being. The more I've focused on that, the better things have gotten. And that's the trick. It's really that simple. Everything goes back to our ability to choose what we want to focus on and think about. In times of stress or disease, why focus on the cause of the stress or the disease? Although it's easy to get caught up in those feelings, if we just take a second and make that shift . . . that will make all the difference. It's just as easy to think about things that make you feel GOOD and at EASE as it is to keep beating the drum of sickness or lack or stress. At every given moment, we hold that power to feel better, think better, do better. Why choose otherwise?

All is indeed . . . WELL!

Peace and light to you and KEEP DREAMING!

Gene-Manuel

Finding a better-feeling thought . . .on the way to feeling GOOD

"There is always an even-happier thought than the happy thought you're thinking now. There is always even a better feeling--your capacity to achieve a better feeling is unlimited." ~ Abraham

So today I spent most of my day really reaching for a better-feeling thought. This was the day that I put these words to the test. And I mean, I started doing it this morning, from the minute I woke up until right about now as I type these words. I usually wake up and say an internal "Thank You" to the Universe as I take a peek at my vision board and pick out a word or phrase for my day. This morning's word was OM (the Universal symbol of Creation). Right when I looked at the word and proceeded to step off the bed, (our bed is quite high and I'm short so I sort of jump off of it every morning), I had a small pang of "not-quite-rightness" which I immediately followed with another big "Thank YOU" to the Universe for another day.

I wasn't looking forward to dealing with the IRS. Yes, I truly believe that we live in an abundant world and I know that I am alright and on the right path, but when you have to deal with the IRS, some times it can become overwhelming. Without going into details, being a freelancer has put me in a position where I owe back taxes. It's all being taken care of but it can be a little stressful. Ha! So, I knew that today was the day I had to take care of the matter and I was determined to continue loving what is no matter what.

Luckily, it was Day-Dreaming Tuesday and I made it my intention to really concentrate on my dreams and focus as much of my attention as possible on the dreams I want to make reality. This helped immensely. Although I knew I had to make the phone call, being involved in a wonderful and magical daydream of things to come was just what I needed. This kept me reaching for a better-feeling thought every step of the way up to the dreaded phone call. Right before I picked up the phone to dial, I made it my intention to have a pleasant conversation and a solution to the matter. I was determined to feel good about the whole thing.

Well, I have to admit that even though the conversation went quite well, after I hung up the phone, I did have a good cry. I allowed myself to cry over the events and decisions in the past that landed me in this situation. But, surprisingly enough, the cry only lasted about two minutes or so. It was abundant but short. I immediately reached for a better-feeling thought to pull me from any kind of "woe is me" mentality. I brought my attention to the present moment and all of the things I have to be grateful for. I also broke the IRS issue down into smaller pieces. When you break down a "problem" or challenge into smaller pieces, it is much easier to handle. For example, if you have 100 lbs to lose, thinking of the 100 lbs can be quite overwhelming. But, if you break it down to losing one pound or five pounds at a time, that's much easier to comprehend and not as insurmountable. That's what I did with my problem. I can only do what I can do at this very moment. One step at a time.

I spent most of my day doing things that made me feel good. I listened to music that I love. I worked on my art and designed some products. On my walk home I created a game to occupy my time and keep me in a constant state of appreciation and yes, feeling good. I'm not saying there aren't times when I break down and feel low. It happens to us all. But, nothing productive can come from that low point. At least, it's never helped me. The answer to our problems or challenges is not found at the deepest levels of despair. But, if we can move one level up from depression or that feeling of despair to maybe anger, we'll be moving in the right direction. There's energy in anger and if we continue to move up, slowly, we can get to those better-feeling thoughts all the way to optimism and hope and ultimately JOY!

I never made it all the way down to depression today and for that I am so grateful. In fact, I can honestly say that I wasn't too far from joy for any long period of time. I took each moment as it came my way and always made the decision to feel good. Everything I did today had the intention of making me feel good. Come to think of it, even making the phone call was an act of reaching for a better feeling. With the phone call out of the way, I didn't have to think about it anymore, and once you get something unpleasant out of the way, you always . . . feel GOOD.

I'll be writing more about how we are all hereon Earth to basically feel our best all the time. Every single decision we make is usually with the intention to, you know it: feel good. For now, I'm going back to my new whirling dervish piece since spending time doing what I love is always the quickest way to BLISS. Aaaahhhhh

Peace and Light to you and KEEP DREAMING!

Gene-Manuel

Back to the gym

So, finally, after about 8 months, I took the walk to my gym. The gym that I've been making monthly payments to just to help them out with their rent I guess, since I haven't set foot in it. When I first stopped waking up at 7am and doing my morning workout, I blamed it on my new-found love and obsession: my art. I was working until 2 or 3 in the morning every single night on all these wonderful pieces of art. I really could care less about getting to the gym in the morning, and after I come home from my various jobs, I'm too tired to go.

One thing led to another and one week turned into two, two weeks into a month and a month into 8 MONTHS. I'm of the belief that if I don't work out, and stop counting points (Weight Watchers) I will gain weight, therefore, I did. I've gained about 20lbs back out of the 35 I lost last year. Not a big deal to some, but I feel them right away. My jeans let me know something was up a couple of months ago actually. Looking good in jeans is one thing but I'm more interested in occupying the right amount of space in this world. What I mean by that is this: when I'm bigger than my "normal" size, I feel like I'm occupying more space than I need to. I'm heavier, not in just the physical sense, but in all ways. When I'm at the weight that is right for me, I feel so light and so just "right" that it's as if I'm able to float. It's also a mental weight that gets lifted as well.

So, anyway, I gained the 20lbs and with work and my mom being sick and facing that depression I wrote about, I just have not concentrated on working out at all. Today was the day though. I didn't plan on it. I woke up and just knew that I was going to go back to the gym. Now, I've been working on minding my own business, like Byron Katie says. And also, not letting my ego get in the way and making me afraid of doing things just because I fear judgment from others. For the most part, I can say I do pretty well with that. What other people say or think about me is not really my problem. You cannot live your life trying to please others because you will most likely always be disappointed or hurt. I totally get that.

Yet, there I was, walking to the gym and some of those thoughts, (in this case, little rocks not boulders), appeared on my way. "What are the people at the gym going to say? Here he is again . . . he gained weight . . . again. Why does he keep doing that?" Blah blah blah.

As I was walking and thinking these thoughts, I actually started laughing. It was a little surprising to me that I was thinking this. That there was a part of me that actually still worried about what others thought. Especially about my weight. I'm glad I started laughing and kept walking because there would have been a time years and years ago when I probably would have turned back and gone home. Can you imagine giving others that much power over your life?

Those thoughts, if not dealt with or at least investigated, could really be damaging. I think back at my high-school self and remember how those feelings kept me trapped for so long. I was afraid of doing anything because I was worried about what others were going to think of me. Now that is something I don't care to live through again.

The truth is that nobody really cares at my gym whether or not I've gained weight. First of all, that's why you go to a gym. Either to lose weight, or to maintain the weight you've got or to just be healthy. Also, I don't go to the gym to make others happy or to get complimented on my weight loss, etc. If I did, it would seem to me that I would be there every single day.

The ego really likes to take over doesn't it? It's really important to be aware of ego's presence and learn to ignore those damaging thought patterns. Those loops that we keep playing in our minds. Once you realize what they really are, just tapes that your ego likes to play over and over again, in order to gain some control, then you can push stop. We are all equipped with the ability to stop a loop that doesn't feel right. How do you know when the loop or tape or story you're playing is not the right one? Well, for me, the most telling sign is that it doesn't feel good. It makes me feel all the emotions that are opposite from FEELING GOOD.

Believe me, I'm not always so quick to press STOP and really just center myself. But, the more you do it, like today for me, the easier it gets. Also, the more you do it the quicker you get at recognizing when you've started playing one of those old, boring tapes again. In some cases, the thing is so old it's like an old 8-Track. Who needs that!?

I'm happy to report the gym experience was a great one. I was greeted very warmly by the owner. He asked how I was and what I had been up to. I got on some of the machines that I know so well and did very light weight training to just get my muscles warmed up a bit. Nobody laughed, nobody pointed and stared. Nobody really cared. I did my work out. Listened to Kylie. I visualized and felt my body changing. I daydreamed a little about what it feels like to occupy that "right space" and had a fantastic time.

Those 20 glorious pounds will come off in no time!

Peace and light and keep dreaming,
Gene-Manuel