"Poor is the man, whose pleasures depend on the permission of another." ~ Madonna (Justify My Love)
Ha ha! Although I'll use any excuse to use a quote from Madonna, those words have always meant a lot to me. When I first heard these lyrics, as part of the "Justify My Love" song, I was a young kid still struggling with my sexuality. Therefore, I took them to heart as a message to be myself. That I had the right to love and be loved no matter what the world at large thought of people like me. The words kept repeating in my head. "Poor is the man, whose pleasures depend on the permission of another." It still took me about a year or so after this song to fully accept who I was. Part of this included the acceptance of the fact that in life, we sometimes have to deal with others not liking us for their own personal reasons. And the big lesson there is not letting this ever stop us from leading a fantastic, free and authentic life. No matter who these people are.
This quote applies to life, period. Poor is anyone that lets their own happiness rest in the hands of another person. When I decided to accept myself completely, that was all I needed to do. I'm not saying it was easy to come to the realization that by me coming out to my parents, I ran the risk of losing them forever, but you know what? If my being gay was going to do that, then they did not deserve me in their lives. I wasn't going to let that possibility get in the way of living a life free of hiding. The more I lied to them the worse I felt. I also realized that it was my responsibility to be honest about who I was. Whenever I lied to them, the one that was truly being deceived and ultimately hurt, was me.
With the understanding that we have absolute control over our lives, comes some responsibility. Nobody can do anything to you. Nobody can make you feel small without your permission. Nobody can make you feel less-than without your permission. Nobody can make you feel happy, sad, worthless, glorious, fabulous, etc. without YOUR permission. Granted, as children, without the proper tools or life experience, it's quite easy to get caught up in that cycle of letting others dictate how you feel. But, as we grow older and more experienced, there comes a time when we have to realize it's all in our power. Blaming others for how we feel is no longer a viable option.
When you fully understand that your happiness, well-being, peace and calm rests within you, it's a whole new game of life. NO LONGER can your mother drive you crazy without your permission. NO LONGER can that co-worker make you crazy because of what he or she does or does not do. NO LONGER can you be mad at your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse because they didn't act how you wanted them to act. My happiness begins and ends with me. My staying cool, calm and collected under a stressful situation all depends on how I react to said situation.
To quote Richard Bach, ""If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem." The majority of the time, people will not act the way you'd like them to. It's just the way it goes and there's no other way around it but to accept each and every one just as they are. Accept full responsibility for how you make yourself feel. It's empowering to know that within you lies the secret to a joyful, peaceful, happy life. No one can get through unless you allow them. Once you get the hang of it, the instances when you do lose your cool due to somebody's behavior, will become less and less. And when you do fly off the handle or let some instance make you nuts, you'll immediately be aware of it because it will feel unnatural. You'll know that you've temporarily given your power to somebody else. It'll be easier to regain it and go on with your happy self!
Peace and Light to you and KEEP DREAMING!
Gene-Manuel
Ha ha! Although I'll use any excuse to use a quote from Madonna, those words have always meant a lot to me. When I first heard these lyrics, as part of the "Justify My Love" song, I was a young kid still struggling with my sexuality. Therefore, I took them to heart as a message to be myself. That I had the right to love and be loved no matter what the world at large thought of people like me. The words kept repeating in my head. "Poor is the man, whose pleasures depend on the permission of another." It still took me about a year or so after this song to fully accept who I was. Part of this included the acceptance of the fact that in life, we sometimes have to deal with others not liking us for their own personal reasons. And the big lesson there is not letting this ever stop us from leading a fantastic, free and authentic life. No matter who these people are.
This quote applies to life, period. Poor is anyone that lets their own happiness rest in the hands of another person. When I decided to accept myself completely, that was all I needed to do. I'm not saying it was easy to come to the realization that by me coming out to my parents, I ran the risk of losing them forever, but you know what? If my being gay was going to do that, then they did not deserve me in their lives. I wasn't going to let that possibility get in the way of living a life free of hiding. The more I lied to them the worse I felt. I also realized that it was my responsibility to be honest about who I was. Whenever I lied to them, the one that was truly being deceived and ultimately hurt, was me.
With the understanding that we have absolute control over our lives, comes some responsibility. Nobody can do anything to you. Nobody can make you feel small without your permission. Nobody can make you feel less-than without your permission. Nobody can make you feel happy, sad, worthless, glorious, fabulous, etc. without YOUR permission. Granted, as children, without the proper tools or life experience, it's quite easy to get caught up in that cycle of letting others dictate how you feel. But, as we grow older and more experienced, there comes a time when we have to realize it's all in our power. Blaming others for how we feel is no longer a viable option.
When you fully understand that your happiness, well-being, peace and calm rests within you, it's a whole new game of life. NO LONGER can your mother drive you crazy without your permission. NO LONGER can that co-worker make you crazy because of what he or she does or does not do. NO LONGER can you be mad at your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse because they didn't act how you wanted them to act. My happiness begins and ends with me. My staying cool, calm and collected under a stressful situation all depends on how I react to said situation.
To quote Richard Bach, ""If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem." The majority of the time, people will not act the way you'd like them to. It's just the way it goes and there's no other way around it but to accept each and every one just as they are. Accept full responsibility for how you make yourself feel. It's empowering to know that within you lies the secret to a joyful, peaceful, happy life. No one can get through unless you allow them. Once you get the hang of it, the instances when you do lose your cool due to somebody's behavior, will become less and less. And when you do fly off the handle or let some instance make you nuts, you'll immediately be aware of it because it will feel unnatural. You'll know that you've temporarily given your power to somebody else. It'll be easier to regain it and go on with your happy self!
Peace and Light to you and KEEP DREAMING!
Gene-Manuel
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